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미국 최영기 목사님의 간증 (6.25 사변 시에 사라지신 부모님을 생각하며) (영문)
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PAUL
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2019-09-09 01:02:32, 조회 : 2,802 |
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최영기
8월 31일 오전 10:09
When I give my personal testimony, I mention my grandfather was one of the six Korea Evangelical Holiness Church members who gave their lives for their faith during the Korean war. But I seldom mention my parents, usually only saying, “I lost both my parents during the war.”
I can’t be more specific because all I truly know is that they suddenly disappeared from my life. I have no idea why or how they did, but from what I’ve gathered from people who knew my father, my parents seem to have voluntarily gone to North Korea during the Korean war.
I was only 5 years old when the Korean War broke out. I have some memories concerning my parents, but none that are clear or comprehensive enough to put those memories in chronological order. The following three scenes, however, are ingrained in my brain.
The first memory is seeing my father, bound by a rope, taken on a prison bus. According to the people who knew my father, he was a close disciple of Yeo Woon Hyung, a socialist leader who tried to create a joint government including members of both the right and the left after the country was liberated from Japanese occupation in 1945. When he was assassinated, presumably by a rightist, my father seemed to have joined the Communist Party. When President Seung Man Rhee, a strong anti-communist, became the first president of the Republic of Korea (South Korea), my father was arrested and imprisoned for being a communist sympathizer.
The second memory is my father, lean and haggard in ragged clothes, suddenly appearing on our doorstep. The North Korean army had launched a surprise attack on South Korea early in the morning of June 25, 1950, igniting the Korean War. Within just three days they took over Seoul, the capital city of South Korea, and released the political prisoners. My father must have been one of those released prisoners.
The third memory is of my father and grandfather eating at the same table without exchanging a word. At the time, it was customary for family members not to speak at the meal table, but I believe there was more to it. I sensed my grandmother’s nervousness, even at my young age. My guess is that my grandfather had unsuccessfully tried to dissuade him from Marxism, which considers a religion an “opium,” and decided not speak to his son at all.
Within a short period of time, the North Korean army occupied almost the entire Korean peninsula except for the southern end, but once the United Nations joined the war efforts, the tide turned. General MacArthur’s successful landing of U.N. troops at Inchon forced the North Koreans to retreat back northward. When they did, they took many South Korean religious leaders with them to the North, including my grandfather.
Although he was taken as a result of his faith, his passing could not be confirmed. So his denomination leaders waited until the time when he was likely too old to still be living, and the Evangelical Holiness Church proclaimed my grandfather and five others as martyrs who died for their faith. My grandfather’s name, portrait, and short career description are displayed at Memorial Hall for Korean Martyrs, located in Yong-in, Kyung Gi Province.
No one knows my parents’ whereabouts. They didn’t say goodbye to anyone or tell anybody where they were going. They simply disappeared. They could have been killed by bombs or stray bullets, but it’s more likely they went to North Korea with the retreating North Korean army. I heard that both my parents were willing to work with the provisional communist government in Seoul when the North Korean Army occupied the city. My mother was a college graduate, which was rare for a woman at the time, and seemed to have been an active collaborator with her husband. So when Seoul was about to be reclaimed by the South Korean army, it is assumed they fled to North Korea out of fear of reprisal by the South government.
The U.N. forces eventually took Pyongyang, the capital city of North Korea, and drove the North Korean army as far as the Chinese border. Feeling threatened, the Chinese government decided to join in the war, sending a massive army. The South Korean and U.N. forces got beaten and began to retreat southward. My grandmother took my younger brother and me to seek safety in the south and settled in Busan, where we lived for five years before moving back to Seoul.
Am I angry with my parents for abandoning us? Sometimes knowing that they chose their ideology over their children saddens me, but I have rarely felt anger. At that time, the true face of communism had yet to be revealed. A young man who loves his country and countrymen would easily and understandably be attracted to Marxism, which promised a utopia where everybody is equal and nobody is poor. Furthermore, a socialist-turned-communist didn’t have many choices outside of fleeing to the North to avoid persecution. (On a side note, I consider politicians of today who are pro-North Korea and anti-Japan evil. They see the misery of North Korean citizens as a result of communism and socialism, yet still try to accommodate and form partnerships with the dictatorial regime. They are like evil parents who sell their own children to a slave owner, knowing full well that a miserable future awaits them.)
My grandmother who raised me was full of love, so I didn’t think I was lacking parental love as a child. But as I get older I feel the negative effects of growing up without parents. It seems to hurt me more than other pastors when members leave the church. Now I realize that it is not because of ill effects it might bring to the church, but because I feel I am being abandoned by them as I was by my parents. I have a younger brother, my only sibling, but we don’t have a close relationship. I feel responsible for our estranged relationship, blaming myself for not being a good brother. Because I was raised in a broken family without parents, I feel like I was not given the chance to observe and learn how a good brother should behave.
I like documentaries about nature. My favorite ones are about animals that take care of their young. I repeatedly watch the episodes in which mothers risk their lives to protect their young. I didn’t know why I was so attracted to these kinds of documentaries. Now realize that I still have this hidden longing for a mother. I have also been drawn to compassionate and kind women. Now I know the reason - I see in them a mother I never had.
Growing up without parents, however, had some benefits. I would have become an arrogant person, despising the weak and the poor, indifferent to those less fortunate. Growing up without parents made me empathetic to these people. As a result, I instinctively stand with the weak and take sides with the poor. However, the greatest benefit of growing up without parents is that I am able to appreciate God as my heavenly Father probably more than anyone else. And I would not trade this benefit for the world.
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선교운동소개
나눔의광장 